Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
