i will never coherently bang her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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