yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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