Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
