if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
