i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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