i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
