Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
