I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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