Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
