Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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