And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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