I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
