The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
