You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
