i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
