Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
