I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
