your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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