She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
