One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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