She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
