the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
