I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
