Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
