My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
