flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Congratulations! We have a period
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
