My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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