he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
