you would pick up someone in the library
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
