People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
