My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
