I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
