the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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