I skipped work to stalk him.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
