Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
