ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
