your parents love me but you hate me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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