Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
