bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
