I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
