I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
