I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
