pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
