He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
