Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My cat gives me a boner
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
