she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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