Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
