you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
