Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
