"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
