he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
