one two three fourrrrnication!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
