I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
