I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my being single is dangerous.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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