you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
