I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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