For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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