You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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