wakey wakey hands off snakey
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't put those talents on a resume
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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