i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize