Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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