wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
