Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
