I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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