I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
