So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
