If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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