You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
