So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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